Ask questions - Break the “code of silence” that often surrounds bullying. Encourage your child to talk about what happened. Listen carefully to what your child says.

Be calm and supportive - Never blame a child for being bullied. Instead, let your child know it’s not his or her fault.

Keep a log - Take notes about how your child was bullied and when. Share the notes with your child’s principal and a teacher.

Contact the school - Your child may ask you not to talk about the bullying. However, when the safety of your child is at stake, it is important to report the bullying to school staff.

Help your child avoid future bullying - Never tell your child to fight back.

In a bullying situation your child should:

• Cool down. They must state their position clearly: say how he/she feels, what they want and then walk away calmly and in control. Example: “Stop teasing me.” “It makes me mad when you tease me. Stop it!”
• If bullying continues, your child must repeat their position. He/she should remain calm, but look the bully in the eye to show them that they mean what they say. They should appear confident, stand tall and hold their head high. Example: “I asked you to stop. Now STOP.” “Back off.”
• Be assertive. Tell your child to be strong and assertive, but don’t become aggressive or start a fight. He/she should say it like they mean it! Example: “Why are you still teasing me when I asked you to quit?”
• If this doesn’t work for your child, tell them to get help from friends to back them up. If the bullying continues, tell them to get help from an adult.

Remember:

• Know – Be aware of what bullying and harassment are.
• No – Stop it and call it out.
• Know – Understand what to do and how to report it.

Additional resources:

• stopbullying.gov
• missingkids.org/NetSmartz/home
• https://www.pacer.org/advice-guidance/topic-bullying-prevention/

Your child needs help to understand what bullying is and why it is wrong. What you say and do makes all the difference!

• Bullying may cause lasting harm. Children who are bullied may experience fear, injury, humiliation, depression, isolation and poor grades. Some may attempt suicide.
• Bullying targeted at a person due to their race, gender, ability, or other protected class is harassment. This is serious, violates district policy and is against the law.
• Bullying can and does happen in every grade.
• Both boys and girls bully. Girls often use more indirect forms of bullying, though, referred to as relational aggression (exclusion, gossip or rumors and direct remarks).
• Bullying and the fear of it can make it hard for children to focus on learning.

WHAT EVERY KID NEEDS TO KNOW

• Bullying is never okay.
• Bullying can happen anywhere – on the playground, on the bus, in the hallways, even in the restroom.
• Bullying can be lots of things. It is hitting, pushing, name-calling, threatening, teasing, sending mean e-mails, taking or ruining another person’s things, leaving someone out and lots of other unkind stuff that’s done on purpose to hurt someone.

It’s bullying if...

Someone is hurting another person on purpose and the kid who is doing it has more power.

If you see others being bullied

Be part of the solution!

If you see bullying and think, “It’s not happening to me, so it’s not my problem,” then YOU are part of the problem. Teens who are bystanders have more power than they realize to tell their peers when they’re not doing the right thing. It’s most effective for teens in the same social group to talk with a friend who is being mean to another student. When bullies learn their friends don’t think that behavior is cool, they are likely to stop.

Be direct.

Walk up to the victim and ask, “Are you OK?” Let them know they are not alone and that others care. Be aware of safety - do not use violence.

Distract.

Change the subject or create a distraction, like "Mr. Smith needs to see you right now," or "Come on, we need to get to class."

Delegate.

If you would feel awkward stepping in and confronting a bully, or you fear making a scene, find someone else to help, such as a trusted adult.

Be a role model. Respect others’ differences and be kind.

Show others that you stand up to bullying and that bullying is not okay. Ask others to join you in your stand against bullying.

Don’t participate.

If you hear a rumor, no matter who started it or whom it’s about, don’t pass it on. Just don’t talk about it. If you’re drawn in a conversation about it, remind your friends that it is a rumor and that most rumors turn out to be false.

• stopbullying.gov
• missingkids.org/NetSmartz/home
• https://www.pacer.org/advice-guidance/topic-bullying-prevention/

Always report bullying. Reporting will make our school safer! Remember, if it’s not reported, it can’t be addressed.

If you or someone you know has experienced bullying or harassment at school or at any school-related event, you may make a report to have the incident(s) investigated by the school district.

Any student, parent/guardian, or district employee may report such incidents and can choose to remain anonymous in some cases.

Please report incident(s) in one of the following fashions:

• Talk with a principal or the executive director.
• Fill out the district’s report form below

If you have any questions before submitting your complaint, please get in touch with district Title IX/Equity Coordinator Lynn Peterson, at (952) 466-2276 or lpeterson@cologneacademy.org

Bullying is unwanted, aggressive behavior among school-aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time. To be considered bullying, the behavior must be aggressive and include:

1. An imbalance of power: Students who bully use their power—such as physical strength, access to embarrassing information, or popularity— to control or harm others. Power imbalances can change over time and in different situations, even if they involve the same people.
2. Repetition: Bullying behaviors happen more than once, or have the potential to happen more than once.

Bullying includes actions such as making threats, spreading rumors, attacking someone physically or verbally, and excluding someone from a group on purpose. There are three types of bullying:

Verbal bullying is saying or writing mean things. Verbal bullying includes:

• Teasing.
• Name-calling.
• Taunting.
• Threatening to cause harm.

Social bullying, sometimes referred to as relational bullying, involves hurting someone’s reputation or relationships. Social bullying includes:

• Leaving someone out on purpose.
• Telling other children not to be friends with someone.
• Spreading rumors about someone.
• Embarrassing someone in public.

Cyberbullying involves use of electronic devices for verbal or social bullying.

Physical bullying involves hurting a person’s body or possessions. Physical bullying includes:

• Hitting/kicking/pinching.
• Spitting.
• Tripping/pushing.
• Taking or breaking someone’s things.
• Making mean or rude hand gestures.

Harassment is unwelcome conduct that is based on race, color, creed, religion, national origin, sex/gender, marital status, disability, status about public assistance, sexual orientation, age, family care leave status or veteran status.

“We were just joking around.”

Repeated and unwanted name-calling, such as making fun of someone’s weight, style of dress, or hair color, are forms of bullying. Making insulting comments about someone’s gender, sexual preference or race are forms of harassment.

Bullies often defend their actions by saying that their victims provoked them in some way, or by minimizing their own actions. “I didn’t mean it! We were just joking around.”

Bullies may also use social status to justify their behavior. “It’s OK. No one likes him anyway.”

You may joke with your friends and call each other names, and it’s not bullying. But, when the jokes aren’t funny, and they’re meant to be humiliating or cruel, that’s bullying. If the jokes are prejudiced, that’s harassment.

“That text was meant to be funny.”

Bullies can use text messages and social media to start rumors and send mean comments and inappropriate pictures. Bullies can be anonymous in cyberspace and may feel like they can’t get caught. However, investigations can reveal the source of cyberbullying. If online bullying or harassment disrupts school, staff will intervene – even if personal electronic devices are used to post or send messages. Cyberbullying should always be reported to school staff. These reports will help establish a pattern of bullying; they will be addressed by staff.

Confronting a bully can be awkward because you’re trying to fight back when you feel like you have no power. Here are some ideas.

Walk away. Stick with others.

Don’t react emotionally, even if you are scared or upset. Ignoring bullying is effective when used consistently. A reaction is what the bully wants. If you don’t react, bullies soon learn it’s no fun to pick on someone who doesn’t play along.

Although it may seem insignificant when you are being bullied, if you maintain your sense of dignity, it makes the bully’s job much more difficult.

Confront the bully. This is often the most difficult thing to do. But sometimes, the way to stop bullying is not to be intimidated. Tell the bully to stop; say that you won’t be pushed around anymore. Rehearse in your head what you will say and think about how you will respond to possible outcomes. It may help to talk over your plan with an adult.